Instead…

I am guilty. 

Guilty of a certain snobbery defined by my past. Because, I have been hardworking, successful, always meeting dealadines, never letting the team down. I thought it was who I am. Nay – I knew.

Then I took a turn – decided to leave the comfort of the 9-5, to go it on my own. To finally use those abilities that  I have been using for decades for others for my own vision, my own growth and opportunity. To be the master of my command. 
And what have I found five months later?

That it might not have been me. That apparently structure and boundaries, fear and responsibility to others was a major source of my daily motivation. Apparently when left to my own devices I’m not that go getter. I am not that person who is so completely self motivated that the world of work and daily production is not forced upon me but instead swells up from me. 
Sat in bed once again halfway through the morning I find that instead – I am not who I thought I was. 

I am Exposed.

The Messenger

He entered the room with its bright fluorescent lighting. After eleven hours on his feet, he knew he was walking on automatic. One foot leadenly in front of the other as he headed towards the parents. 

The parents. 

He could picture them in his minds eye, pacing, tired, hopeful. Would he have to shake them gently awake with the news? Somehow even though he knew medicine would be gut wrenching, no one could have prepared him for how emotionally difficult it would be. After years of dealing with cadavers in med school he thought he has become numb to the human condition. 

Apparently not. 

He rounded the corner and there they were – the parents. Surrounded by what must have been their entire village. As he approached them time stood still – they all looked at him with the same unspoken question spanning all their eyes.

His eyes brimmed over, the emotion manifesting in telltale liquid in his eyes. 

“We did it” he said. “The twins are safely separated, and alive”. No one could have explained to him the profound joy he would feel each time he brought news of a life saved, or one transformed. 

It still got him every time. 

Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Week #11-2017.

Requirements: Create a 200 word flash story using the photo prompt.

Puppy Dog Eyes

Puppy dog eyes. 

Always with the puppy dog eyes. It was his go to place whenever he was in trouble. Claiming innocence, protestations accompanied by vigorous shakes of his head, often accompanied with the statement that for the thousandth time it wasn’t me!

I was so tired of his stories.Fibs, lies, excuses, all. The one thing they weren’t was the truth. But this time the evidence was in front of me. Irrefutable, there on the screen. 

I knew something was not right with the business. We seemed to be doing fine on sales, but we were constantly short. Somehow it was always my fault, I wasn’t bringing in enough business he said.

Staring at the screen, I knew it was finally time. I shut down the computer, picked up my keys and left the building. 
I got into my car and drove off. Less than fifteen minutes later I saw a sign and drove in. 

I parked and hopped out. I walked in and said to the attendant – I want a puppy. We got to the kennels and I saw him. Jet black with brown eyes, I knew they were the only puppy dog eyes my future would hold.

Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Week #7-2016. 

Requirements: Create a 200 word flash story using the photo prompt and the provided sentence.

A Lifetime in a Moment

 

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Enough is enough” he silently fumed.

Even as he thought the words, he cursed himself for not being able to say them out loud, or better yet, scream them out loud.  That would have been powerful. Screaming back. That would have surely been his moment.

But he was not that kind of guy, the kind who said what was on his mind, consequences be dammed. He was the other type. The quiet type. The very epitome of nice guys who finish last.

But today was the day. The day he was no longer going to take the crap that been dealt out to him his whole life.  Even Job had his breaking point.

Today he was taking back the day… and the night.

Today would be the day that would define a lifetime of tomorrows.  He would sit back no longer.  Forty six years of frustration welled up inside of him, needing to burst out.

“Mother” he yelled.

She turned back to him from the top of the porch, leaning heavily on her cane. The wind caught  the gray wisps of hair framing her elderly face “Yes Job?”

He hesitated and knew then, he was never going to change.

 

Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Week #4 – 2016. 

Requirements: Create a 200 word flash story using the photo prompt and the provided first sentence.

 

 

That One Text…

 

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It seemed like a good idea at the time, Friday night neighborhood drinks at Kevin’s loft.

With its brick face walls and its antique saloon bar, good times were always to be had there. And besides it was the end of the month, and I was eager to lose myself amongst a whole lot of unknown people, being loud, likely overbearing, definitely drunk, telling half stories to make themselves seem more interesting.

It wasn’t what I found though. The loft was quiet as I got out of the lift. There he was, seated on that old brown leather couch, a bottle of Merlot uncorked in the middle of the dense square wooden table that his feet rested on.

I looked at him confused. I thought it was neighborhood drinks night, I said.

It is.

Where is everyone then?

Everyone’s now here Neighbour.

That is the moment I should have walked out, but I didn’t.

And now here I am screaming like crazy trying to push out a pair of babies that are fighting inside of me to see who can make it out first.

Who would have known that responding to a simple text would have resulted in trading my single girl stilettos for booties for twins.

Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Week #2 – 2016. 

Requirements: Create a 200 word flash story using the photo prompt and the provided first sentence.

Dis-Connected 

He walks in, small and proud, wizened yet with bright and shining eyes that looked around in wonder. 

Wakia maitu he says to me. I wonder who he is. He seems familiar, I just can’t place him. But his respectful salutation tells me a story. Wakia awa I reply, the formal greeting for a man who has greeted me as his daughter-mother. We repeat the greeting – Wakia maitu, Wakia awa. 

I realise who reminds me of, he’s a much older version of my younger brother. 

Ehe? He continues to smile as he looks around my dining room with a clear sense of wonder.

He walks upto my grandson. Na uyu no? He asks. 

My grandson looks at him in confusion and stares back to me. What’s he saying Cucu? he asks me.

He’s asking what your name is I reply. Tell him I say to my grandson.

My name is Wylie he says. 

Ati atia? He asks in bewilderment. Ati Waii-Ree? 

He turns to me and he begins to question me asking which of my ancestors – the wizened man’s brothers, sons, nephews or uncles my grandson was named for. I stammer in my response trying to explain that his other name, his middle name, the Kikuyu one that the old man is searching for, is Njenga. Embarrased that my grandson defaults to his Christian name, a name that has a letter that isn’t even part of the Kikuyu language.  

The old man nods in affirmation telling me that he remembers when his son Njenga was named.  He tells me the story of how  the boy was such a maize thief. If his mother would leave her maizecobs roasting unattended even for minute she would come and find them gone. The old man laughed in rememberance. His son as a small boy became Njenga, nicknamed for the bits of maize that he would leave in a trail behind him after his thefts. 

My grandson looks between us, and tugs at my shirt. What are you and the old man saying he asks? 

The old man meanwhile looks at me and asks the same question – Aroiga atia? He seems confused because he can tell clearly that this is my grandson. After all, the boy called me Cucu, yet neither of them can understand the other. 

I look at both of them and with sudden clarity I know my place. The realization cuts through me. 

I’m the chasm in the plateau. A jagged tear in the fabric of lineage. 

My ancestor on one side, my descendant on the other. 

I am the break.  

It never seemed like a big thing when we moved to the city. My daughter started attending primary school which was a melting pot of cultures, communities and tribes as is the case in so many cities, and before I knew it English became our lingua franca. She told me the stories of her day in the language of her teachers and her friends. And she stopped speaking Kikuyu. 

I only really internalized years later that she no longer used her mothertongue. She could understand it but wouldn’t speak it. Decades passed and then her son was born, named for my brother and grandfather, and his grandfather. There was never any chance that he would speak his mothers mothertongue. Between my daughters clipped city English and daily shots of Nickelodeon he never stood a chance. 

So there I stood, between an old man returned miraculously to his future, and his great great great grandson, named for his only son, both representing the very essence of my being, past and future, disconnected by a language I allowed to be lost. 
In response to the prompt Modern Families

Too close to call? 

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Of all the places I thought I would end up on New Year’s Eve a children’s playground certainly was not on my list. But there I was, too close to midnight, ripping through dead leaves, fallen branches, searching desperately.

A few hours earlier I thought this would be an easy one, quick in and out and I could enter the New Year with a clean conscience. No guilt, no broken promises, my honour intact.

I should have known that would be too easy.

My fingers were beginning to freeze, as my temper headed in the opposite direction. I had to stop myself from cursing too loudly. Even empty, playground etiquette prevailed.

I scrambled to the last corner, praying fervently that the gods would be on my side despite me breaking every resolution I made 366 days ago.

My foot suddenly hit a hollow object. Could that be it? I dropped to my knees groping about in the dark with my hands. They closed around the smooth cylinder of the bowling pin. I almost cried with joy.

Now, if I made it back to the bowling alley before 2016 with this last pin, the $10,000 scavenger hunt prize would be mine.

(200 words)

Written for Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Week #1- 2016. 

Requirements: Create a 200 word flash story using the photo prompt and the provided first sentence.

Younger Isn’t Young At Heart

He’s 79 years old. Sprightly would be the best word to describe him. Its certainly the word that came to mind as I walked around the farm with him yesterday.

He carries a walking stick with him, but its not because he needs it to support himself while walking. Rather it’s to lean on as he interacts with all the farmhands, finding out what’s happened overnight, or since his last walkabout.   Leaning on it as it sits at a thirty degree angle from the top to the bottom, he looks like the gentleman farmer that he now is.

Meanwhile at half his age I’m struggling to keep up. My exercise is usually heralded by mental preparation of running gear, sneakers, my iPod and step counter calibration.  Morning walks up and down the farm, 1.5 clicks to the bottom and the same back again in gumboots are not my foray. But here I find myself, enjoying it thoroughly.

We walk down the hill, striding past the coffee trees as he recounts his life on this farm and its transformation since he acquired it 45 years ago. You can hear the pride in his voice. You can also picture vividly the reality of what it used to look like back then, as he recounts the changes he has made, the improvements and investments.

At the bottom we walk into the sorting area and look around. The machinery is quietly awaiting the next round of berries to churn through after the Christmas break. For now though, it’s quiet, its just his voice sharing the process of the sorting, red, green, buni berries. Only the ripe ones gets pulped he says. He smiles as he realizes how ignorant I am about a process that is as familiar to him as my morning java is to me. Ironic isn’t it? I am a daily consumer of his product but know so little of its journey.

We start walking back up the hill, past the cedars, bottlebrushes and blue gums he planted back in the 80s when he cut a road for his first tractor.  He laughs as he leaves me behind, panting as I try to keep up with him on his casual walk uphill. Turns out the walking stick comes in handy for the incline.  The city girl clearly loses this round.

He may be 79, but on his farm, in his domain, it’s clear that he holds the youth card. Striding up he is the very epitome of Young At Heart.

Tales of a Former Tooth Fairy

I’m sure you know the moment. 

Carefully slipping  your hand underneath the pillow of your beautiful sleeping child. Feeling around for that tooth that took an hour of coercion and half a second to pull out. Thinking back about how brave she was, you get misty eyed about another milestone. Her first molar is now out. 

Except this time you can’t find the tooth.

So you extend your arm farther in. Now you’re softly cursing in the dark wondering where the heck is it? After two minutes your gentle search is replaced by frustrated grabs all around the bottom of the headboard and you are getting increasingly ambivalent about waking the kid up.

Finally you give in and put on the light and proceed to half shove half shift  your snoring offspring to the side of the bed and nearly strip off all the bedsheets in the almighty search. You throw your hands up in the air and start to storm out of the room then your eyes fall to the bedside table…

 

Oops!
I guess she’s nine. I am a tooth fairy no more. 

Unraveled

In retrospect I realise that my guard had been let down months if not years before. If not, I would have sensed the strangers long before I saw them. That said though, I’m no longer sure what my reaction would have been armed with this knowledge.

Years earlier an escape plan would have been on hand. In fact multiple options would have been at my disposal. Primed for freedom I wouldn’t have made it to the front door, let alone the living room.

But here I was, and once through the living room door there was no stepping back. No more.

No escape from this chilling moment that I had been running from for years.

There was nothing to it.  The conversation had to be had. Words needed to be spoken, anger and remorse voiced. Forgiveness sought.

So finally, I went against the grain. I decided  I not to cut and run. Not anymore. My soul was weary and after all, that formula had clearly run its length. It was time.

Any cake left for me I asked the Agents as they sat on my living room couch.

There they sat served by my innocent daughter, who I had tried so hard to shield from this day.

There they sat – my not so Unexpected Guests.